Candy-Coated Hearts on the Sleeve
by Lady Sharmeleon
Summary: What really happened during Villain-tine's Day on Kids' WB last year?


Candy-Coated Hearts on the Sleeve

We arrived at da WB Studious promptly at seven. All my idea, of coise. If it were up to dose two we'd be chasin after dat yellow rat again! Don't get me wrong. Dey're bright kids...most uh da time, but dey deserve a break. 

"It's not my fault!" 

"Is so!" 

"Is not!" 

"Is so!" 

"Is not!" 

"Knock it off, you two!" 

Ah...da glory of claws. 

"She started it!" 

"Did not! If you would've been just a tiny bit more intelligent...." 

"Oh? So now you're calling me stupid?" 

"I've always called you stupid!" 

"Rub it in, why don't you?" 

"Fine! I will!" 

"E...Excuse me?" 

We all stood at attention when da new voice came. Baka humans. Dey would ignore a cat wit sharp claws but give dere undivided attention to some wimpy guy in a suit? 

"Am I interrupting?" 

"Nah. Dese two love-boid brains always go at each other 24/7 dis time uh da year." 

Heh heh. Da only good ting about humans showing off for their superiors: no mallets or boots-o-evolution allowed! 

"Well, perhaps you could do our network a favor...." 

"Network? Ooh! We're going to be on TV?!" 

Well, maybe mallets weren't banned all the time. 

"No, you idiot! He means the network that's been capturing all of Team Rocket's glorious achievements!" 

"Glorious moments? But, Jessie, we haven't had any...." 

Whack, yet again. It's a mean ting ta do, but as sweet as James can be, he can also be as dense as a Slowbro. 

"Anyway, we were wondering if you'd be interested in hosting Val...." 

"No way!" 

The way they managed to say it at the same time made me cringe. Dey sounded like a pair uh twins! 

"But we really need someone to host! Everyone from the show is busy! Brock turned us down even when we told him it was a video dating service!" 

Now, I find dat just a little hard ta believe. 

"Forget about it!" Jessie snapped. 

"Yeah! We don't like Valentine's! Get Batman to do it! Or even better, get that kid, Terry, to do it!" 

"We would normally, but the viewers want someone from Pokémon." 

"C'mon, you guys! What's so wrong about Valentine's Day?" 

"It's evil!" 

"It's devastating!" 

"It's the worst holiday on earth!" 

"It's a commercial free-day, and...." 

"We're both single!!" 

Ah...now I understood it! Dey probably just made up dose other reasons ta take focus off uh da last one, but dat's what really gets em. Dey don't got anyone ta be with on da most romantic day uh da year! I just had ta laugh at that one! 

"What's so funny?" 

"Nutin, but you two should agree ta host. It might get ya the money ta buy a Pikachu from dat pet shop we saw da other day, and, besides, I have some lovely little heartfelt writings dat I wouldn't mind sharin as cards ta da rest of the gang. Da Boss would get a kick outta dat poem you wrote, James! Roses are red...." 

"Shut up!" 

Well, the mallet rule definitely had no force anymore. 

"We'll do it!" 

"Great! Here's some money. This is your pay and what you have to buy your supplies." 

"Supplies?" 

"Yeah. Cards, candy, the usual stuff. Well, I gotta run, see ya later!" 

Da man ran off and we were left with a wad of cash and a cameraman. 

"But...what kind of cards and candy are we supposed to buy?" 

"I don't know." 

"Listen, how bout you both get separate things? James, you get the cards, and Jess, you get da candy." 

"Fine with me." 

"Me too." 

"But who leaves first?" 

"Wha? Why can't ya both just go at da same time?" 

"Well, someone needs to watch the spotlight and make sure those twerps don't take it!" 

::sweatdrop:: Well, that's sometin ya don't hear everyday. "Why can't I just watch it?" 

"Oh, no, Meowth! I need you to help me pick out cards!" 

"Yeah! and you're going to come with me to pick out candy!" 

The way dey said "cards" and "candy" made me a bit suspicous. After all, it was Valentine's Day, and they did want to shop separately...another perfect oppurtunity for blackmail! 

"Alright. Me and James'll head out and get da cards. Jessie, you got first watch." 

*** 

Well, I didn't think ya wanted ta hear how Jessie complained about being left alone, so I'll just skip ahead. 

"Well, what cards should I buy?" 

"I dunno. Just get some uh does tacky Pokémon ones and lets get down ta real business." 

"What do you mean?" 

"You know what I mean. It's Valentine's Day and ya don't have a gift for Jessie." 

That did it. He started blushing like dere was no tomorrow! 

"Why would I get Jessie and Valentine's present?" 

"I dunno. It's a nice thing ta do?" 

"But you don't just get everyone presents on Valentine's. Only...certain people." 

He was askin for it now. 

"Certain people?" 

"Nevermind. Forget it." 

"Such as people you love?" 

"Do not! I mean...uh...yeah...people you love...which is precisely why...." 

"Why what?" 

I followed his gaze and found a beautiful pair of sapphire, diamond-studded, earrings. 

"You wouldn't have enough money ta pay for dose if ya saved all yer life!" 

"Yeah...I guess you're right...." 

"But it don't cost nuthin ta steal it...." 

"I can't steal Jessie's present!" 

"So you admit it's for Jessie?" 

"Who else would it be for?" 

"I dunno. Your own personal flattery?" 

"Very funny...I wonder what Meowths are going for today. I bet I could get an extra fifty for one that talks...." 

"Don't even try it!" 

"You're no fun! Hmm...money...how to get money...I know! The money that WB guy gave us! I could use that, take an advance on my salary, and charge the rest! What do you think?" 

"I think you'll live in debt forever, but if dat's da gift you got yer eyes set on...." 

I didn't even have ta finish. He was at da counter with the earrings, a box of cheap Pokémon cards, and a credit card in as long as it took me to form da last woid.... 

*** 

We got back ta da pretedetermined meeting place at around five-ish. I expected Jess ta be curious about the big bag James was makin a poor attempt at concealing, but she literally picked me up by the scruff of my neck and threw me down da path to da store. 

"Hurry it up, cat!" 

"Geez! What's yer rush? All we're doin is gettin candy!" 

"Well...I wanna get there before all the good candy is gone...." 

"Uh-huh...sure...." 

How dense did she think I was? Dere was no way da candy companies would be short on sending out tons of deir supplies on Valentine's Day! 

"Uh...Jess...I don't think yer gonna find any candy at a florist's shop...." 

"Would you shut up and mind your own business!" 

Dat's why I like James more than Jessie. You can tease James as much as you want and all he'll do is blush and occasionally yell in that upper-class voice of his, but Jessie.... 

"Oh, c'mon! How the hell can you be out of roses?" 

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we have been kind of busy today...." 

"Busy, my...." 

"Jessie! (had ta keep dat Network censor happy....) How bout we just get da candy?" 

"Yeah...I guess you're ri...." 

Her mouth hung open and she raced ta pick up what she had discovered. It was a beautiful glass rose. 

"And how exactly do you expect to pay for dat?" 

"You're the one that knows Pay Day, why are you asking me?" 

"Ya could always slip it inta yer pocket or sumthin...." 

I honestly thought she would go for dat idea, but she just glared at me and pulled out some cash. 

"I do have this...plus the annual advance Boss gives us...and a Visa...." 

"Ya know what dey say, plastics make it possible, just don't be surprised if yer thirty six and livin in some crappy hole in a wall cuz ya can't afford anyting better...." 

"Don't worry...I could always hit Mondo up for some money...." 

"Heh! I never even thought about dat one!" 

*** 

Well...dat took considerably less time den James' little outing, but at least he had remembered to buy cards, too. I walked over ta where he was readin em. 

"Won't you Bee mine, take a Chansey on me, don't be Krabby...." 

"What are you doing?" 

"Looking for the perfect Valentine's Day card to give out!" 

"How about dis one?" 

"Hope your day is Gastly...ooh! That's it!" 

Heh...I just love bein bad. 

"Okay...can we speed this up a bit? We need a few more commercials." 

"Who asked you, cameraman? You want a commercial, I'll give you a commercial...." 

Out came da mallet, but before Jess could clobber da guy, James stopped her. 

"It IS Valentine's Day, Jess. Maybe you should be a bit nicer...." 

"Nicer? I'm always nice! and besides, it'll only be Valentine's for a few more hours!" 

"Oh...that reminds me...I...I...forgot to get you a gift...." 

Figures he'd chicken out.... 

"A gift? Well...uh...remember...we agreed...no gifts...." 

"Yeah...." 

"Oh, c'mon! It don't take dat long ta pick out cards and forget to buy candy!" 

"Sure it does!" 

There goes dat annoying twin ting again.... 

"Hey, cameraguy!" 

"Yeah?" 

"Show em dose tapes ya took earlier...." 

"No need!! Jess, would it be okay to...break that rule...just for this year?" 

He pulled out dose earrings and her mouth dropped. 

"Oh my...how did you...James, they're...wow!" 

She pulled out da glass rose and James' eyes lit up. 

"And this one won't ever die! Thanks, Jess!" 

Well...da awkward silence dat followed was drivin me insane...someone had ta break it.... 

"If you two don't actually do sumthin besides stand here and look at each other I'm gonna get out dose notes I found...." 

Whack! I was expecting her ta whack me, but not James, too.... 

"Why did you whack us?" 

"It was a love tap!" 

"A love tap? It felt more like a whack to me...." 

"No, this is a whack!" 

Another...much harder...kick. 

"Ow! Love hoits!" 

"Alright, we got all the segments we need!" 

"What? But...we didn't even spend any time working on it!" 

"I know! I was taping all along. Just complain to the network if you don't like how it turns out." 

"Grrrr...stupid network...now anything we did could be on TV! The twerps might see it!" 

"See what, Jess?" 

Allow James ta play da dumb, innocent person. 

"Well...when we bought those gifts...people might get...the wrong idea...." 

"Oh? and what idea might dat be?" 

"Stay out of this, fuzzball!" 

"Yer right...it's not my place ta intrude...." 

*** 

And da day ended. No, I'm serious! The sun set and me, Jessie, and James sat around looking at conversation hearts. Just like we did every other Valentine's...nutin different. Well...I guess dere was some progress...and who knows! Dere's always next year!


End file.
